Monday, September 1, 2008

Is it really over?

Well, I have been watching the clock tick down to this day. While it is a fun-filled Labor Day for most of America, for many of us in the Vietnam adoption world it is a sad, sad, day.

It looks as if my Vietnam adoption is over for now. It doesn't look good for any "grandfathering" of dossiers. I still have a lot of faith and pray that I am wrong though. According to the article below it is over for me and many other people.

I haven't heard any "official" word from my agency....but it doesn't look so good. Is "no news good news". I hope so, but I am doubtful.

What do I do now? I'm not sure. I have thought about some of my other options but I haven't truely explored them in depth. I didn't want to give up on this adoption. I still don't want to. If US and Vietnam are truely not working together anymore, I pray a new agreement is reached in the future. I have completely fallen in love with the culture and the country. I have spent the last 2 years learning about it and dreaming of the day I will visit and bring home a child in need of a loving home. I will hopefully one day do just that. I guess my Vietnamese child just may be my second child instead of my first.

I don't know what God has planned for me..but I choose to follow his path. I know His timing is always perfect. I trust in Him. As sad as this day is for me, I can only cling to Him for comfort.

This adoption has definetly taught me a lot about faith, believing, and trust.

I am still learning...I feel angry, sad, disappointed, hurt, and so much more. I researched agencies, I waited, I accepted a beautiful special needs girl when others turned her down, I lost her, now it looks like it is over. I am jealous of all the families who chose other agencies, started after me and are home with their babies. I shouldn't feel that way, I know that. But, I am human....I have a heart and it is hurting. I'm angry, I want to blame someone! I know that is not right. I pray for these feelings to go away. I guess in time they might.

I will probably not blog for a while (it is just too hard). Please know that I appreciate all of you for supporting me during this process. Please continue to pray for the orphans and for US and Veitnam to quickly make the right decisions.


M and H said...

Thanks for reaching out on my blog. I am so sorry for all that you have been through. Let's both hold to hope that we will bring our children home sooner than later.

Leslie & Shaune said...

you have been though so much. my heart is going out to you today. i pray the us and vn can come to an agreement and adoptions can go forward in the future.

thinking of you and hoping for the very best for USA and the VN children left behind in the orphanages.


kristin said...

i'm so sorry for all you've gone through... it's such a difficult time and i hope somehow, you are able to find peace... you're in my thoughts...

Jessica and Chris said...

I am so very very sorry. I am sad for you but I know that God has a plan for you. I am praying that your baby will find you very very soon. Never, ever lose sight of what it is that you want.

dwayne and melanie said...

Tonya, I understand needing a break. My heart breaks for all of us that have been left in this mess. It is hard to know what to do, but God is ultimately in control and He will bring us to our children.