Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Update (sort of..)

Well, Sept. 1 has come and gone and I don't really have anything new to report. Officially, our dossiers have not been returned from this good news, is it bad news, is it no news? I honestly don't have an answer.

According to JCICS, Vietnam named someone to begin negiotiations on a new MOU. Will this happen anytime soon, will it "grandfather" dossiers that are currently still in Vietnam, will this person be pushing towards Hague Convention??? How long will that take? What happens in the meantime? I don't think anyone has any definite answers.

For me, I'm just waiting. It is hard. Actually, it is beyond hard--it is all-consuming! When I accepted the referral on March 7, I was told it would be around 4-6 months until I traveled to bring her home. Now, it has been those 6 months and I have referral at all....and a country that has officially closed to US adoptions.

How can I accept that? I just keeping thinking that I was supposed to be home with my child by this time---or in Vietnam right now---or at the very least getting ready to travel to Vietnam. It is beyond my comprehension that I am here in the US in absolutely no better position than when I began this process almost 2 years ago.....something just doesn't feel right about any of that.

I know that God can move mountains and I know that He has a plan for me. I trust in Him to follow that path. I just wish I knew where it was leading me.........All I can do is have faith. I'm trying really hard. I believe in Him and I believe I will meet my child one day.

I have researched some other options but I am still not ready to close the door on Vietnam just yet. I just can't accept it yet. I refuse to believe it truely is over. I feel such a strong pull to that country---I really do believe my daughter is there somewhere.

On another note, that beautiful little baby turned 1 year old this week. I pray that she spent her first birthday in the loving arms of a family! I hope she didn't spend it alone in a crib in an orphanage.

Here's hoping and praying for some news soon!!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Is it really over?

Well, I have been watching the clock tick down to this day. While it is a fun-filled Labor Day for most of America, for many of us in the Vietnam adoption world it is a sad, sad, day.

It looks as if my Vietnam adoption is over for now. It doesn't look good for any "grandfathering" of dossiers. I still have a lot of faith and pray that I am wrong though. According to the article below it is over for me and many other people.

I haven't heard any "official" word from my agency....but it doesn't look so good. Is "no news good news". I hope so, but I am doubtful.

What do I do now? I'm not sure. I have thought about some of my other options but I haven't truely explored them in depth. I didn't want to give up on this adoption. I still don't want to. If US and Vietnam are truely not working together anymore, I pray a new agreement is reached in the future. I have completely fallen in love with the culture and the country. I have spent the last 2 years learning about it and dreaming of the day I will visit and bring home a child in need of a loving home. I will hopefully one day do just that. I guess my Vietnamese child just may be my second child instead of my first.

I don't know what God has planned for me..but I choose to follow his path. I know His timing is always perfect. I trust in Him. As sad as this day is for me, I can only cling to Him for comfort.

This adoption has definetly taught me a lot about faith, believing, and trust.

I am still learning...I feel angry, sad, disappointed, hurt, and so much more. I researched agencies, I waited, I accepted a beautiful special needs girl when others turned her down, I lost her, now it looks like it is over. I am jealous of all the families who chose other agencies, started after me and are home with their babies. I shouldn't feel that way, I know that. But, I am human....I have a heart and it is hurting. I'm angry, I want to blame someone! I know that is not right. I pray for these feelings to go away. I guess in time they might.

I will probably not blog for a while (it is just too hard). Please know that I appreciate all of you for supporting me during this process. Please continue to pray for the orphans and for US and Veitnam to quickly make the right decisions.